| four months ew! |
[22 Dec 2006|12:25am] |
my 21st birthday is in exactly four months.
that's effing insanee.
i seriously can't believe that i have already lived
such a great portion my life.
&& it just flew the fuck by.
&& it sucks cause 21 is like 'whoa the big, fun one'
but i'm not looking forward to it whatsoever.
i already do everything that anyone over 21 does.
so no excitment is coming along with this birthday.
only the sadness that my fun, crazy, kid years are almost over.
&& once i graduate, i will probably have to get a real job.
&& will be freaking out if i can't find one that i'm passionate about.
&& will be freaking out if i have not yet fallen in love.
&& will be freaking out about everything...
as i obviously already am. ugh.
i overthink & overanalyze absolutely EVERYTHING!
so i am gonna stop right now. hah.
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| can't effing sleep |
[20 Dec 2006|01:59am] |
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so yeah, i haven't been able to sleep at all the past few weeks. i don't know if it's the new bc i'm on, or the fact that my bank account has been negative for a month now since i've been back from new york... whatever it is, it sucks. for a year and a few months now, i have been persistent about that fact that i did not want a boyfriend. i love being independent and having the freedom to do whatever i want, and after being in a relationship for a year, i needed to let loose and have fun. i'm not even saying having fun and being able to hook up with whoever i want or whatver, it is more so the fact that i love doing my own thing, going to shows with my girls, taking roadtrips, meeting and partying with new people... and if i would have been tied down by a a boyfriend, i probably wouldn't have been able to do some of the many exciting things that i have done over the past 12 months. or if i did, they might not have been as fun. i was able to spend two weeks in hawaii with two amazing girls exploring the most beautiful and intriguing of all the fifty states. i spent a weekend in new jersey at bamboozle with my best friend in the world seeing some of our most favorite bands. i took two unbelievably fun roadtrips with some new, but now extremely close friends. i spent a week in florida with my roommates and future bridesmaids at lauren's grandma's house. these are things, girl things, that you just can't fully experience when you have a boyfriend. i have spent the past six months at one of the largest and most sucessful independent rock labels, learning the basics of music business, and beginning to step my foot in the door to where i eventually want to be. i have spent the past eight months working for the number one venue in the entire country at a beginning level job, but already moving one level up and having the potential to someday hold an awesome position. these were some amazing and awesome experiences. i think that over this past year, i learned and accomplished more than any other time in the past 20 years. and i'm extremely satisfied with myself, and thankful that i was able to put as much as i did into these friendships and job commitments. yet for some reason, i still feel that i really missed out on something this past year. and often, i wish that i did fully commit to sharing it with someone that i care about. i have yet to completely give myself to another person, and it is something that i have been feeling the urge to do now more than ever. yet now that i want it and am looking for it, it seems to be the impossible. every single time i go out, no matter where it is, i am intently hoping that someone will catch my eye, and then my heart. but it never, ever happens. really, it doesn't even come close. it rarely goes past the point of catching my eye, if it ever gets there. and now i am rambling on and on and sounding both extremely pathetic and desperate. but right now, it's really how i feel. i could write more on this, but my laptop is about to die and i can't find my cord. so i'm gonna end here. maybe i will add to this later. or maybe i won't.
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[16 Dec 2006|11:24am] |
ahh i haven't written in here in over a year.
haha myspace has taken over the worrrld.
so i am sad right now though.
cause my mom && dad really want me to come home asap for christmas.
but since i screwed myself over with money,
i am trying to work all these hours now.
ughh i'm basically a retard.
whatever. i think it will all be okay.
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[05 Aug 2005|01:31am] |
uh.
sometimes, i don't know what i want.
and it's kind of sad.
and sometimes, i do, but i am still confused.
and i am kind of sad right now. and it really sucks.
and i have no clue why i am writing this in here except that i can't sleep.
fuck.
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[28 Jun 2005|08:25am] |
oh.my.god. is wrigley not the cutest pup in the entire world?
at only 2.4 pounds, he is unfortunately too small to take downtown.
people would step on him, and he could so easily fall off our
third floor deck. my mom said the fam could always keep him, and
i could get another dog, but i hope he gets bigger because
i really, really want to bring him there. i am so in love with him. <33
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[17 May 2005|04:28pm] |
1)Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
lunch from clark's. quilt from urban. beer from white hen. umm i can't think of anything before that.
2)Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
water, diet coke, iced tea, lemonade.
3)Last Time You Cried
watching extreme makeover home edition sunday night.
4)What's In Your CD Player:
i don't have one nanana.
5)What's Under Your Bed?:
shoes. laundry basket.
6)What Time Did You Wake Up Today:
8.45
7)Current Hair?:
nasty.
8)Current Clothes?:
white long sleeve shirt, hollister jeans, pearls.
9)Current Desktop Picture?:
all the girls in yellow poncho's before we performed 'it's rainin men' at the talent show.
10)Current Worry?
that i'm doing bad in school this quarter.
11)Current Hate?:
that i have night class tonight.
12)Favorite Place To Be?:
anywhere on vacation.
13)Least Favorite Place?:
mm. i dono.
14)If You Could Play An Instrument?:
guitar.
16)How Tall Are You?:
5 '8.
17)Favorite random quote?:
he whispers that he loves her, but she's probably only lookin for sssso much more than he could ever give.
18)One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To: my grandma.
19)Favorite Day?:
saturday nanana.
20)Where Would You Like To Go right NOW?:
hawaii.
21)Where do you want to live when you get married?
anywhere as long as i'm loveee.
22)Favorite food?:
chinese chinese chinese
23)Color of most clothes you own?
teal.
24)Number of pillows you sleep w/?:
three.
25)What do you wear when you go to sleep?:
pj shorts or pants and a tshit, tank, or hoodie.
26)What were you doing 12AM last night:
typing my music paper.
27)How old will you be in 10 yrs:
twenty-nine.
28)What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years?:
playing with my little kids.
30)Are you paranoid?:
sometimes.
31)Do you burn or tan?:
both.
32)what is the brand of your wallet?:
paris lovcat. my obsession.
33)First piercing/tattoo?:
ears 8, cartilidge 13, bbutton 15, tounge 17, eyebrow 17.
34)First enemy?:
i can't remember.
35)Last person you yelled at?:
mark. always.
36)Last crush?:
secret.
37)Last thing you ate?:
turkey, cucumber, and cream cheese sandwich. yumm.
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[15 May 2005|08:48pm] |
i love my mom. she came for the mother/daughter brunch today. i love her so much.
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[03 Apr 2005|01:35am] |
oh dear. fun times for sure.
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[31 Mar 2005|12:09pm] |
soo i've been back at school since sunday night, and it's been a pretty good week so far. i actually love my new classes which i'm really happy about. they actually seem interesting. last night we had a little alpha phi event at the townhouse which was fun, then we went out to OMalley's. we did karaoke to TLC creep (don't ask why, Lauren picked it out haha) and it was just horrible cause we weren't even drunk. but it was fun. i dono what's going on tonight, besides that i have to work. i dono if i feel like going out after. we'll see. i'm so happy it's the weekend though. well i wanna try to take a nap before class so i'm out, later!
oh EXCITING NEWS! SoCo is playing summer fest!! yayy! <33
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[26 Mar 2005|08:41am] |
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i wanna scream right now. really loud.
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[25 Mar 2005|12:53am] |
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i hung out with jess tonight, and i miss her soo much. we can literally talk nonstop forever... we are going to grow up to be old grandmas who sit on the phone talking for four hours at a time. no joke. i love her. "i'm almost twenty, that means i have to start using age-defying products soon!" hahah loveee. and tomorrow night is going to be extreme fun cause we are celebrating emily's birthday!! woooo i'm excited. birthdays are always fun. especially if i get to see my kuhnie again. and then sunday is easter with the fam and finally back to school. and that means i get to see my baby who i miss oh so much <33 yayy i can't wait. i don't wanna leave my mama, but i will be back soon enough to see her again. and she is dying her hair dark brown with pink tips this week. what a badass. it's gonna be too cute. alright well considering it's one am and i want to work out at like seven tomorrow morning, i should prob get to bed. goodnighttt!
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[23 Mar 2005|10:09pm] |
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to anyone who may still read this... please pray for my mom! her surgery is tomorrow, and we want everything to go well! thanks <33
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[19 Mar 2005|10:19am] |
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so it is possible to have fun in lake county! last night me, em, and haley went to gmills to do a little shopping then we went to eat at panera. then we went and got ready and went to monica's house. sarah met us there too. we got crunked and went to cue and you which i have always thought was a shithole...well, it kind of is...but it was fun as hell. there was a ton of people there...lots of ghetto ones. but it was really fun. we just danced and stuff, and one time we yelled at the dj to play some rap instead of fuckin gayass techno and he was such a dick like "this isn't techno" i was like "oh then what the fuck is it?" he's like "house" i was like sweet you fuckin deuce it sounds like techno to us. but then he put on rap anyway. hah we showed him. just kiddin. but we stayed there for a while then monica didn't feel good so we left and went to some of their ghetto friends parties that was definitely really ghetto. i was informed by my good friend haley that like 90 percent of the kids there do coke on a daily basis. so that was kind of scary. haha. it was all good though. saw some kids i haven't seen in a longass time. oh and then some dumbasses sprayed a fire extinguisher in the basement so we ran upstairs but could still feel the shit in our lungs so around that time we decided to leave. we went back to monica's and passed out. and i woke up at like five in the morning and she was on the fucking phone forever so i laid awake forever. biotch. but now i'm home and about ready to crawl back into bed. yayy. i will prob hang out with my mom the rest of the day. and i want to go tanning extremely bad. and get crest white strips. so yeah. it should be an extremely exciting day. k, i'm out. <33
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[11 Mar 2005|02:36pm] |
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so last night i had to work and there was like 4 people in the whole bar so i got to leave around 9.30. some of mark's frat brothers' apartment is upstairs right above bordo's, so i went up there and hung out for a while. then everyone wanted to go to US Beer Company, but i left my id in my room so mark walked back with me to get it. and we were like screaming at each other the whole way there and back. hah we can fight a lot when we're drunk. but then we walked all the way back to the apartment and crammed like twenty people in one cab to drive to US Beer Co. it was the first time i've been there though, and it was really fun. total college bar with a band playing and pool and fooze ball tables and stuff. how the heck do you spell fooze. i dono. hah. but anyway we hung out there for quite a while cause they had 50 cent beers! it was so cheap! lauren and maggie were there too so i was happy!! and then some of my older phi's showed up! it was packed. ew and mark, me, and jet took shots of tequila that were literally so gross i thought i was gonna puke it up instantly. i have no idea why we did that. soo when we finally decided to leave we didn't even get a cab we walked all the way and it was freezing out. mark slipped in a puddle of ice too, and his butt got all wet. poor kid. but then we stopped by kelly's, and i told mark not to get drinks cause we weren't even gonna stay long, but he did and we took like three sips and then gave them to jet and mara and left. it was a pretty fun night though. and we started making pasta when we got back, but i passed out really fast and didn't even get to eat any. i haven't eated barely anything in the past twenty-four hours. and i'm starving! so i think i'm gonna walk to the bank and stop at subway on the way back cause i have a free one. yay. and tonight ashley wants me to go to BLU with her cause this girl colleen on our floor won a party there so it's like ten bucks all you can drink. it should be pretty fun! ok, i'm out. sorry that was so long and boring haha. <33 home in three days!!
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[10 Mar 2005|02:31am] |
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uhhh. it's effing 2.30 in the morning and i can't sleep. and mark is sleeping in my bed and kaitlin's sleeping too, and i didn't want to wake them up so i'm in the lounge. yuck. i have sleeping problems. one and a half more papers to write and a business calc test then i'm done with this quarter. and in less than a week i'll be at home. yay. tonight me, kaitlin, and ashley went to california pizza kitchen. i love that place. and ash has her car here so we got to drive. i want my car here. grr. oh well. ok i'm out. <3
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[07 Mar 2005|10:33pm] |
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ahh i hate writing twenty papers at the same time. AND studying for an effing business calc test. talk about stressed...geeze. today was an ok day, nothing too exciting, just hanging out with laura for like 7 hours. haha. one week til i go home though! yay. it's gonna be nice <33
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[03 Mar 2005|11:09am] |
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ahh i have three final papers due next week, and i'm getting soo stressed. my jazz & american lit class got cancelled this morning though so i was happy about that. but i have bus. calc. today from 1.30-3 then i have to work tonight from 6-10.30 then tomorrow morning i'm going home. i'm gonna try to work on my english paper on the way home so hopefully i get some of that done. then saturday i hafta come back in the afternoon cause i have to work 6-10.30 again. then sunday i will try to get the majority of my papers done, but i have eboard and chapter from 6-8. and by monday i need a rough draft of my english paper, tuesday i need a rough draft of my jazz paper, and wednesday i need my actual bus. ethics paper. so yeah. i'm pretty stressed out right now. but after that all i have left is my bus. calc. final then i'm done! and i have practically two weeks to go home and relax. i really wanted to go to panama city, but because of stuff going on at home i think it'd be much better for me to be with my family. well, back to the books! <33 oh, i got my hair done the other day and it's soo cute. this is literally the fourth time i've dyed my hair in like three weeks. i'm crazy, my hair's gonna all fall out one day.
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[20 Feb 2005|10:07pm] |
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hiii. the weekend's already over, yuck. it was good though. thursday night i worked and went to goodbar after with laura, kate, and uhall first floor boys. it was really fun cause like everyone was there. and the rest of the weekend was pretty chill. i got kinda sick yesterday, but i feel better now. me, ale, and kate are in the process of planning spring break to panama city. soo can't wait. it's gonna be awesome. besides that, not much is new. just busy with aphi stuff. at chapter tonight, kym came late and sat on my lap the whole time, and we were being really loud, and katy was getting so pissed. it was funny. oh, on vday, mark suprised me with a candlelit dinner that was soo cute. i thought we were going out cause he told me to dress nice so i was really suprised that he made dinner. and when i walked in the room death cab was playing which was really cute too cause that show was like our first "date." he's sucha cutie <3 but anyway, this week is gonna suck. this is my schedule: monday: class, chapter ops meeting, bachlorette. tuesday: class, english paper, dane cook. wednesday: class, panhell, study for math test. thursday: class, work. friday: aphi sleepover. saturday: work. sunday: aphi barbeque. grr i hate when i have busy days ahead. oh well, i'm out. xx.
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[12 Feb 2005|10:00pm] |
[my name is]: kate
[in the morning I am]: tired
[love is]: a mystery
[i dream about]: haha very crazy stuff.
-W I T H. T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: eyes and smile.
[last person you slow danced with]: oh dear. i don't know? oh i think my cousin mark at his wedding heh.
-W H O-
[do you have a crush on?]: mark <3
[easiest to talk to]: umm mark, except i don't always tell him what's wrong and stupid stuff.
-H A V E. Y O U. E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: kinda
-W H O. W A S. T H E. L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: haley jade
[hugged]: mi mamacita
[you instant messaged]: kaitlin my roomie
[you laughed with]: my mom
-D O. Y O U / A R E. Y O U-
[could you live without a computer?]: probably
[what's your favorite food?]: everything. i'm a food whore.
[what's your favorite fruit?]: i loveee all fruit. i feel like blueberries right now though.
[what hurts the most: physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional definitely
[trust others way too easily?]: i don't think i do
-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken? ]: kinda one
[of hearts i have broken?] : one
[of boys i have kissed?] : i love kissing..
[of girls i have kissed?] : three
[of drugs taken illegally?] : one
[of tight friends?] : a few that are becoming less and less tight.
[of cd's that i own?] : i dono, i don't have that many though.
[of scars on my body?] : maybe four? ohh plus my new one on my hand!
[of things in my past that i regret?] : i try to regret nothing cause that just sucks.
-OTHER. THINGS-
[i know]: a lot
[i want]: to go on vacation
[i have]: a headache
[i wish]: i was rich
[i hate]: homework
[i miss]: mark bertrand
[i see]: shitty cause i have one of my old contacts in that sucks
[i fear]: death?
[i hear]: the news
[i search]: the web? hah i dono
[i love]: my friends
[i ache]: in my head
[i care]: about my dog. he's cute.
[i always]: overanalyze things
[i dance]: in elevators
[i cry]: all the time
[i do not always]: feel like going out
[i write]: in my lj
[i confuse]: myself
[i can usually be found]: on the second floor of uhall in room 237 on mark's futon. hah
[i need]: food
[have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing]: kinda
[if so, when and with who]: a couple summers ago with old friends
[favorite place to be kissed?]: lips
[have you ever been caught "doing something"]: haha.
[wuss]: yes
[druggie]: no
[gang member]: yes
[daydreamer]: yes. so much.
[alcoholic]: no
[freak]: yes
[brat]: yes
[sarcastic]: yes
[goody-goody]: no
[angel]: no
[devil]: "devil woman"
[friend]: sometimes
[shy]: sometimes
[talkative]: sometimes
[adventurous]: yes
[intelligent]: yes
-T H E. F R I E N D S. Y O U. C L A I M. T O. H A V E.-
[impacted you the most spiritually]: jess
[wish you saw more often]: haley
[most sarcastic]: haley
[wish you knew better]: none
[knows you best]: haley
[best outlook on life]: jess
[most paranoid]: emily by far
[sweetest]: emily
-S E L F. A N A L Y S I S-
[your best feature (personality)]: umm i'm nice?
[your biggest flaw (personality)]: i whine a lot
[most annoying thing you do] : i overanalyze things
[biggest mistake you've made this far]: losing best friends
[describe your personality in one word]: weird
[the physical feature for which you are most often complimented]: eyes
[Person you regret sleeping with]: ...
[height]: 5'7 1/2
[a smell that makes you smile]: this one old perfume from victoria's secret that reminds me of fresh/soph years soo much
[a city you'd like to visit]: new york
[a drink you order most often]: ice tea
[a delicious dessert]: rice krispies
[a book you highly recommend]: i haven't read in a while
[the music you prefer while alone]: anything good.
[your favorite band]: something corporate
[a film you could watch over and over]: the sweetest thing
[a TV show you watch regularly]: law and order
[you live in a(n)]: dorm room
[your transportation]: the EL and taxis
[your cologne or perfume]: abercrombie 8
[under your bed or in your closet you hide]: secret things of course
[something important on your night table]: a lamp
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[22 Jan 2005|08:19pm] |
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how are we seriously so lucky? it's not everyday you get to have an after show dance party with something corporate. hah. it was too fun. and the show was fucking awesome. and we got to stay in a hotel cause the snow was so bad we couldn't drive home. uhh i loved it <33 back to school tomorrow. yayy!
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